How am I supposed to live knowing..

I keep tellin' myself that I'm not gonna see him again in my life. Do you have any idea how much pain does this thought give? I'm not gonna hear his voice again in my whole life! And no, he's not dead. At least as far as I know. I need to learn how to live without having any information about him. I need to! Do you know how much it hurts? I have to live knowing that I am not gonna see his eyes again!! I have to learn to stay away from him although he is reachable. I have to resist myself when I am in such a desire to talk to him. You know, I may call him. I may send a short message to his cell phone or maybe an e-mail to one of his e-mail addresses. I have no doubt that he would be glad if I do so. But I can't. I can't! So tell me, can you imagine how hard it is to resist such desires! Oh god, sometimes I feel, I really do, that there is such a great burden on my shoulders that I cannot carry. Sometimes I feel I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna forget all about him, I'm not gonna go on my life without him.. Sometimes I really do feel like that.

I wish I never met him! I don't wish he loved me, no! I don't wish I didn't make such stupid mistakes.. I just wish he never existed in my life! I wish I have never given him my phone number so that I wouldn't be waiting for him to call now! I wish I never got his phone number so that I wouldn't fight with myself everyday to call or not to call. You know what, I regret most the behaviors that I have done just not to be regretful of not doing one day.

it's just like the song says:

And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I love you..

Selcan
Ekim '06